The Unofficial After-Party

After RDR, much of the pack headed to Dairy Queen’s and Rear End Loader’s pad for a little after party.

Did anyone see the clown car pull up full of Carolina TRASH? Five of them stumbled out of the cab, popped open the back, and two more climbed out of the trunk. Ok, it was a one-zone cab ride from the bar to the party. Couldn’t you bunch not have afforded two cabs?

And while some hashers mistook the pots and pans for throw-up buckets, Motor Mouth patiently waited in line to puke. But, unfortunately, ended up projectile-vomiting over the 6-foot fence into the neighbor’s yard. I would have really hated to be that neighbor the next morning!

At the very end of the night, 3 Ring Cervix and Gimme an OOO were seen giving WOWO blowjobs so that they could take the limo back to Arlington. Acceptable hash behavior!

RDR Party

Back at HR57, 3-2-1 F*ck Off was seen rubbing Double Header’s a$$. Her dad was so jealous of the special attention that he requested, “If you rub her ass, you have to rub everyone in the family’s a$$es.” Poor 3-2-1.

Additionally, Rotten Whore from Chicago lived up to her name. She hit on every guy at the hash saying, “It doesn’t matter, my husband is in a different time zone.”

Fire in the Hole got lucky by riding Bloody A$$hole. Too bad she was about three feet too high. Next time aim lower sweetheart.

Drip Dry spent all night asking folks if they wanted to see Poop Weiner’s p*nis. When they said yes, she pulled out her camera and showed off a picture from the lingerie run. I’m not sure if that’s a tease on Drip Dry’s part or on Poop Weiner’s part…

Jack Off Lantern was very distraught because he left his ID in his purse, and then lost his purse.

And we have heard that it IS possible to offend Hokie No Pokie. As much as he writes about disturbing sexual acts, he was distressed by a joke involving fat chicks and cinder blocks.

Executive Spread, Bone Sucker, & P*nis Colada are such drunk train wrecks that they have created a whole new level of awesome that is unparalleled by any local hashers.

The Horny Grail spent the whole night tagging guys with her lipstick, but she didn’t even get laid that night. Apparently, she never ran into Nub because he was too busy with Runs With Bulls.

Trail Shenanigans

At the start of the trail, Monday Sticky Monday was seen paying off a few hashers so that they wouldn’t catch the hares. Come on! What’s wrong with getting de-pantsed??!! Apparently, one co-hare, Blowup Dalai Nada, was nowhere to be found. And the other, Obeastiologist, peed in his own pants in anticipation of laying trail. After doing that, his pants needed to be removed! Of course, we have heard that he wants to be EWH3’s hare razor next year. Hmmm....aren't we a trifle scared at that prospect?

WOWO reached the pinnacle (or is it rock bottom?) of his public speaking duties by climbing atop a dumpster to address the masses. For RDR 2006, there were three trails to choose from – one runner’s trail and two walker’s trails. One walker’s trail was slightly unofficial, though.

Pullz It Out led a bar crawl for those that wanted to stay within 3 blocks of the start. While we admire these wankers for not wanting to go so long without the beverage of choice, we have to wonder why they would go to a gay bar in red dresses to pay for beer when they could have been enjoying free beer at the beer check.

Of course, some of it may be excused by physical limitations. Iron Maiden only made it a half a block from the start before she started to complain that her stilettos were hurting her feet. Now, we are all hashers and we all know that trail will be longer than half a block. Could she not have been slightly more prepared for trail?

Golden Showers did a good job of warding off the gay guys on the bar crawl by growling at them and sticking his devilish pitchfork in their faces. We're pretty sure that wasn’t the stick that they were expecting to be stuck in their faces. Oh well…sorry guys!

Meanwhile, on the official runners’ trail, Beaver Whack was seen smoking a cigar throughout the entire trail. If she’s going to be sucking on something that big, and she calls herself a hasher, shouldn’t it be someone’s cock?

Also seen on the runners’ trail was RoadKill and Haystack picking up about 20 high school girls out in front of the White House. Need we remind you that Bill Clinton is no longer in the White House and hitting on young girls out front is probably frowned upon by the current administration?

After the beer check, Bloody A$$hole was seen hopping in a cab. As he is usually an FRB, people were understandably confused and began to wonder if he auto-hashed every trail to be an FRB. It turns out that he actually took the cab to Fuddruckers to get a burger and made the cabby wait while he got his grub. Didn’t he know that RDR Mismanagement had arranged for some tasty treats back at the bar?

Somewhere along the second half of the trail, Wookin Pa Nub was seen having sex on trail with Runs With Bulls. It seems that Nub got really drunk (SURPRISE!) and thought that RWB was a chick because he was wearing a dress. As usual, RWB went along with it because he is such an attention-wh*re.

Notable Costumes

Cum Dumpling apparently never made it home the night before as he needed to wear his lingerie to RDR. Either that or he was too cheap to buy two outfits (Our vote: Too cheap! He is the money collector for EWH3, after all!).

Number 2 drove up looking like Fred Flinstone in drag. And since he drives a Mazda Miata, one could actually imagine him powering his car with his feet. Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

Just outside the bar, (Can’t Find) Pussy in a Haystack was found talking to a couple of older folks. Turns out that they were his parents - if you’re going to bring your parents to RDR, they should at least be like Double Header’s parents and have enough courtesy to wear red dresses….so learn them some manners, next time!

Also outside the bar was Not So Silent Bob. He forgot it was RDR and thought it was Halloween. But we forgive him because he was serving some good sh*t from his boobs (no! not his man boobs!). I swear…if girls had boobs that could give off booze like that pair, girls would never have a reason to leave the house. Who wants to go to a bar, flirt with an ugly guy for a couple of free drinks if booze could flow from your own tits like that?

Speaking of boobies, Can’t F*ck Dust was attempting to compete with Chest Nuts, Designer Bush, and Shamrock Your Cock for the biggest tits in the hash. Better luck next time, buddy - I think the girls still have it.

Lube Me Up Scotty, lived up to her outfit and stole a puppy a la Cruella De Ville. There has to be a renaming in there somewhere.

There were certainly some other characters to be found at RDR. White Kane and Bow-Chick-a-Bow-Bow looked like the Moroccan Blues Brothers. We didn’t even know that was possible.

And let’s not forget the Geishas! Burning Bush, 3 Ring Cervix and Kiliman Jackoff put on a great performance, but they were such teases. We didn’t hear of a single person getting a blowjob from any of them. Unacceptable hash behavior!

Put it Out showed his girly side that day. He was so afraid that it might rain, he brought a little parasol with him. The only problem was that it wasn’t big enough to keep even his tiny, little dick dry.

Speaking of girly sides, Jackoff Lantern was overheard saying “I spent a lot of time in the bathroom this morning removing body hair.” It worked, he was almost unrecognizable. I think he looked better than most of the girls.

Finally, Señor Doucheberg cannot be overlooked in the girly department. I have never seen someone look so cute wearing shiny red “Princess” pajamas.

Anal Fission showed up wearing a “dress” made out of bondage tape. We all know that he’s into that kind of thing, but did anyone else find it disturbing that he had enough red bondage tape to actually make a dress?

Runway Snatch needs a special mention for impersonating a church lady. We wouldn’t take exception to this occurrence, except that we all know that she has never stepped foot inside a church (she might burst into flames on the spot).

Getting Started

The day dawned crisp and overcast, but that didn’t stop many hashers from donning scantily clad attire regardless of the damp weather.

Moist Sushi was a notable stand-out in her scintillating garment.

On the other hand, some hashers felt it necessary to bundle up - Who were the mystery hashers behind the Middle Eastern burkas?

Hashers stumbled into HR57 mostly hung over from the previous evening’s lingerie run (educational note: HR57 is a non-profit jazz club devoted to promoting the history of jazz). Okay, enough of the serious stuff! Onto the dirt!

RDR Mismanagement did a phenomenal job (as always!) with their team of volunteers to get the 425 half minds signed in, photographed, and most importantly, to initiate the day-long drinkfest.

Although, we are intrigued by the fact that the giveaway (the Survivor-like head scarf thingie) needed directions. If it were a battery operated device (use your imagination), we could understand…but it was a piece of fabric. What the heck are we supposed to do with that? We have enough trouble reading the directions in order to stop a VCR from blinking 12 o’clock, let alone the patience to twist this getup into a hairnet.

Hashers Say the Darndest Things

“It’s a good thing my dick isn’t bigger, because it would hang out of this dress”--Monday Sticky Monday

“Of course I look good, it’s a Ralph Lauren”--Butt Brown Ale

“I don’t do drag well” --Butt Brown Ale

“I love the material this dress is made of. After this is over, I could make some fabulous pillow cases from it.”--Butt Brown Ale

“Hey Pond Scrum! Check that out!

Whoa! That’s a dude - never mind.”--Butt Brown Ale

“Why is Pond Scrum praying here on the streets of DC? Holy Shit! He’s not praying; he’s peeing!”--Big Bang

“A good think about my wife being sick is that I don’t need a fluffer this year to warm her up.” --Big Bang

After putting on his dress and putting on make-up, Can’t F*ck Dust picked up a wand with a star on it and said,

“Would it look gay if I carried this?”

“Stop! Shop at Target!”--Snatch Shot (at all crossings on the
walkers trail)

“I love semen”--Obeastiologist

“A good way to proposition women for anal sex is to say “How much do you like walking?”--Jack Off Lantern

“Trust me, if you just agree to do it, he will leave you alone.”--Takes it up the Ehh

“Hey Kool-Aid!”--Pond Scrum yelling to Wooly Mamaries

“Dressing like speed racer’s girlfriend is kind of cool. Now where is my Chim Chim?”--Test Tube Baby

A conversation at the RDR:

Pond Scrum: “What’s up with Jack Off Lantern’s legs? He made those as smooth as an alter boy’s ass”
Bow-Chick-a-Bow-Bow: “That’s disturbing. Uhh, how do you know the smoothness of Alter Boys?”
Pond Scrum: “I’m dating again”

On why he shaved his legs Jack off Lantern said:

“I wanted to win best dressed”

Aftermath

Like many of our fellow brother and sister hashers, we have but one word to describe this past drunken haze known as the DC Red Dress Run: exhausted. Sure there was a recovery run, and yes, there was a shigtastic WH4 run where we had harrierettes de-pantsing, but the scribes are too tired to go into full detail about those events here. Thus we’ll let the words of others describe the general feeling this year’s RDR left us…

To quote one-out-of-towner:

"You all did a totally amazing job, I had an excellent time!! And to every last one of you DC women hashers, I'll never see the color red the same way again! No fooling, I'm looking at a red binder on my desk and I'm almost laughing right here.

The DC crowd has really great people, and I was doing everything I could to meet new people all day. When you're at an out of town event, you just gotta. I'd love to name a few in particular, but between all the people I met and the beers that I drank, I don't want to miss anybody. You guys rock! See you guys next year. I'm already looking into business meetings that I can take in DC, so I can hash with guys again!"

Vagina Whiner
Harrisburg-Hershey H3

And yes, this was stolen from one of Big Bang's multiple White House Hash House Harriers announcements. And yes, the scribes are THAT lazy.

Violations!

• Just Daniel for not only losing his ID, his Mensa membership card, MasterCard, AAA card and his Blue Cross card on trail but for carrying a f*cking Mensa card at a hash! Are ya kidding me??? BTW, that card has an expiration date. What’s up with that?
• SMAC, Tupperware, Certified Underwater Naval Technician, and Schweinchen D*ck for auto-hashing

• Tupperware for not watching where she's going - she ran into a street sign and tripped over a curb while carrying a traffic cone as a megaphone with EarShot

• Senior Doucheberg for telling the scribe he's a "late cummer" and then attacking the scribe for duly noting his statement
• Dick in the Eye and Metro Ho exchanged favors for a ride across the Key Bridge
• Jiggles-Lo negotiated a cab fare from $15 to $20 - You're supposed to negotiate lower, man! Don't you know anything??!!

Party in the Temple!

We ended up at the Almas temple. The sea of red was most impressive from the top balcony. One harrierette referred to the event and venue as a hasher "prom". That's a very accurate description since many attendees hit the dance floor soon after getting their fill of grub and beer.

Fagnostic, very early on, was seen walking around in his shorts and a RDR t-shirt. When asked what happened to his fagtastic dress he mentioned that Late Nite Drive Thru was wearing it. There she was - trying not to expose too much flesh, while two hashers were assisting her putting the thing on. Did we mention that the dress is vinyl? Fagnostic noted that the dress looked a hell of a lot better on her than it did on him. One scribe tends to agree.

Now, while watching a harrierette put on her dress was amusing, watching other hashers REMOVE their “dress” was the highlight of the evening! Salt Lick Titties was definitely in her element as the paint was ribbed off (if you were there, you know what I am talking bout, if you weren’t there, too bad). IHOV and Jerkin were a tad bit more modest. The ladies (mostly from the SH*T hash contingent) swooned as the paint was ribbed off Rodeo F*ck.

Hokie No Pokie still had trouble identifying who his girlfriend was. Hokie was seen kissing Blowup Dalai Nada. Yes, on the mouth. Now in case you aren't familiar with Dalai Nada - he is a man, or at least, we think he is. In Hokie's defense, Dalai Nada makes a beautiful woman! But the Hokie trouble didn't end there! Hokie spent a good portion of the 8pm hour showing everyone who would watch what happened when the broken urinal was flushed in the men's 2nd floor restroom. At the end of the evening there was a 1/2 inch of water on the floor.

Oh! and beware hashers that want to flash their special packages. Is It In Yet? of Phoenix pulled his skirt up and displayed his puppy love underwear.

He stated, "My puppy is chasing pussys - aarf, aarf!"

And we don't know who this fellow is...but he's got some impressive packaging, too!

The temple and RDR mis-management (somehow!) extended the party hours until 9pm, but the DJs must not have been prepared...cause didn't they play Outkast's "Hey Ya" twice within a half-hour? Do those djs think we are drunken fools that won't remember they just played the same song 15 minutes earlier? Oh, yeah, right! We are drunken fools...

Run, Beer Check, Run

The walkers were sent out first - followed by the runners. The crimson wave coming out of Dremo's was most impressive.

The pack took off in fine style down towards Rosslyn and across the Key Bridge. All we have to say about the run was “WOW” as the FRBs were really pushing the pace on this one. Luckily, Toothfairy hadn’t lost his horn (yet) as he provided ample warning to our live Hares 2Lips in the Bush, Wet Nurse, Neat Purse and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Boner that we were catching up, quickly.




We attracted lots of attention and were honked at by not only cars on the bridge but also boats on the river. Always nice to keep ‘em happy and entertained eh? So we’re happily crossing the bridge when....






WTF??!! Not the Exorcist stairs!! Yup, up the stairs we went but only after being prodded, coaxed, and convinced we would survive (we were SURE those stairs were for descending only). Soon after recovering from the stairs, the pack found itself running through lovely and haughty Georgetown much to the delight/concern (you pick) of the shoppers and residents.


Some wanker apparently had a missed connection on Craigslist (obviously someone was delighted about our presence).

Long Cool Man in a Red Dress - w4m

---

Reply to: anon-101263309@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-10-01, 5:50PM EDT

During the DC Red Dress Run this afternoon (10/1), at the intersection of N & 27th in Georgetown, I stopped my car and asked you what the hell was going on.

You were carrying a blonde at the time, but came over to my car and talked with me. You were sweaty and absolutely stunning.

You said you're from North Carolina and explained the hashing. I wanted to join in the fun.

But I was with my family, so I had no way to stuff your bra with my name and number.

I wanted to be the girl on your back... if you feel the same, email me.

And yes, this was also stolen from a Digby’s post. What can we say, we're still exhausted and thus, lazy mofos.

The pack was then rewarded with a beer check at Third Edition, which was not long enough, as they never seem to be.


To quote one hare at the beer check:

"We thought you all would be running at a leisurely pace…"

Did you run the Full Moon last night? That wasn't leisurely! What did you expect?

Ahhh, those Carolina folk...did any of y'all talk to any of them? One scribe was lucky enough to locate hidden pussys on at least 4 Carolina hashers at the beer check. Sextion 8 had a special bong drinking vessel that he so kindly let the scribe sip from. Scribing is damn thirsty work!

Once we left the beer check, the pack went through the last of Georgetown before making its way through lower Dupont Circle towards downtown. We don’t know if this happened to anyone else but one scribe was barked at by a large group of homeless men in a park near the end of trail. It must have been the thigh highs. What do you think?

The speed demons once again pushed the pace resulting in a very quick second half. So fast, in fact, that we arrived at the Almas Temple before they even started serving beer.

Circle and Awards

Sometime around three (who knows? was anyone completely sober at that point?) the RDR committee held the beginning circle where they gave out dogtag awards for categories such as best boobs, best ass, and other such silliness...


Awards:


Best Dressed Female:
International House of Vagina was clad in latex bodypaint. Kudos to Threat from Behind of Boston for designing and painting her sinful attire!

And what an upset! Raise My Titanic was tossed from her long-standing winning streak. It was an extremely close call!

Best Dressed Male:

Jack Off Lantern was wearing his Sunday-best drag queen dress and hat.

Best Legs:

A tall drink of water named Just Sam of Crystal Coast (his brother Twatermelon wasn't bad-looking either!).

Best Ass:

Whore of Sarajevo - Have mercy! That woman has a beautiful bum! That same ass won her the Ms. 2005 DC Area Hasher award at the Full Moon Beauty Pageant Hash back in April.

Best Cleavage:


We (the drunk scribes) can't identify who the winner was, but here's Tupperware inspecting the winner's goods! Anyone want to claim this pair?

There were more awards, but we were easily distracted at that point and ready to run. And run we did!

Sign-in and Memorable Costumes

This year's Red Dress Run started off at the infamous Dremo's ! What a sensory overload from the sea of red (with some pink and black interspersed within the crowd).
There were some people who looked stunning (So Hot I’ll Turn You Gay), and some, well, who looked stunned (believe me, we're being kind on that one). The professional photographers seemed to be less and less shocked as the day went along. Good thing the beer was flowing like wine!

Let's give some shout-outs to some of our favorite red dresses:

How about the latex crew? Anal Fission was proud of himself at getting multiple girls to cum in bodypaint and many of the harrierettes where just as happy Rodeo F*ck did, as well. Salt Lick Titties, International House of Vagina, Double-Stuffed Whore-E-O, Jerkin the Gherkin, and Can't Stop the Semen were also crew members that bared it all.

Moist Sushi was a vampy fem-bot.

The Hare Krishnas were an interesting group as well...but the guys aren't wearing red!! Don't you smell a violation here? That's not all we smelled! Poodle F*cked managed to nauseate anyone downwind of him due to his overpowering stench from the incense he was burning.

Not So Silent Bob of Charlottesville provided an alternative to the flowing beer...boxed wine from a tit! The girls were lining up to suck his tits. Not a bad way to pick up the chicks, if I say so myself! Guys! Take notes!






Fuxedo of San Diego (Trojan Man) and Just Tanya (Ms. Incredible is homeless! Will someone claim her?) played up the superhero theme.

Lookie at Fire in the Cornhole! Don't we recall seeing this EXACT same Elmo underwear last night at the Full Moon pre-lewd? Dude! Don't you change your drawers daily??!!

On a side note, there are, apparently, several colorblind hashers:

Golden Showers, all the way back from merry ole’ England, looked quite fetching in his pink and green camo.

One Time at Hand Camp looked just plain disturbing in his PINK frock.

We’ll forgive 3 Ring Cervix for wearing her black dress with only a TAD bit of red cause she was hot, yo.

Fill in the Blanks...

Below are comments and quotations overheard during the course of the RDR. Feel free to attempt to identify the person(s) speaking and the situation revolving around the comment.

Pick-up lines...
1. "I've never kissed a bald black man's head before."
2. "I lost my husband."
3. "I like making people cry."
4. 'What's our motto? If you can't say anything nice, come sit by me!"
5. "I would like a beer exactly how I like my men ...Dark"
6. "I'm f*cking wasted."
7. "Are you still here?"
8. "You are one high priced Prince William County Whore."
9. 'I saw your pee pee at least 5 times tonight"
10. "hey Susan, what are you doing?"
"I'm adjusting my party package"
11. "I'll start over here... and you bend over over there."
12. "What are we doing, besides you?"
13. "Boner - I wanna do you tonight."

On hooking up...
14. "I have a problem screwing someone who used to date a friend of mine"
"yeah right."
15. "Did you see your girlfriend?"
"No"
"Maybe she was In Cock Nito"
16. "He broke my penis"
17. " I was rode hard and put up wet... I think."
18. "I don't usually hook up at the hash."
19. "They call me a whore when I do what?"
20. 'I've been asked to play with his thing."
21. 'Have you heard? Mellow Foreskin Cheese made out with some chick last night!"
'What is this, an April Fools?"
22. 'They'll be f*cking here in a little bit...just don't get any on you."
23. "Hokie No Pokie showed me his wing-wing."
24. "you should have seen her last night! She had the biggest whore outfit on I've ever seen!"
25. "There are way too many girls here trying way too hard to get laid. Obviously they don't know how to work it."
"I think I'm the only one here that's been to all 12 RDR's and never worked a single one of them!"
26. 'Speaking of ho's, look at that!"

On silk...
27. "Silk feels good on my nipples."
28. "I'm really starting to like how silk feels on my body."

On asses...
29. "It looks like monster took a chunk out of her ass."
30. "He's got an ass to die for"

On hurricanes...
31. "Just say Hurricane Relief. We're wearing red for Hurricane Relief"
32. "I drank so much damn beer, my bladder thought it was a hurricane the last time I took a piss."

On obesity....
33. "Fat ladies wear tent dresses for a reason"
34. "Does this dress make me look fat?"
35. "I'm glad I didn't go home last night with a fat chick."
"She wasn't fat, she was big boned"
'Well,then, I'm glad I didn't go home with a big boned chick"
36. "Ok, I plan on getting fat. Maybe not THAT fat."

On ugliness...
37. "My Cock Shoots Blanks isn't get any prettier - even when he has clothes on."
38. "D*mn, you're even ugly in a dress."
39. "Ass Ogre in women's panties is not pretty."
40. "Wuakasha Hashers are not pretty hashers.It's a factory and beer town.Neither of which is conducive to pretty. but they can drink some beer!"

On personal hygeine...
41. "Ohhh man!!!! I have deodorant whiteness on my red dress. I should have worn my Secret Solid."
42. "I got shiggy on my dress."
43. "He's worried about not shaving his legs..but he's got pink hair."
44. "I think men should start carrying purses."
45. "The scary thing is.. he DID shave his back this morning."
46. "You're dripping boa all over the place."
"Well, I might as well be dripping something."
47. "Is this the line up for the bathroom? Holy Sh*T! I'm glad I don't have to go!"
48. "Look Moron Job - you thought YOU had bad hair!"
49. "Somebody farted. "
"I think it's that Schweinkin guy, he always farts."
50. "Are you wearing a diaper?"
51. "Cheeze Wiz really ought to be named Shit's On Trail. She farts like a lumberjack."
52. "Does he know he still has his unibrow?"
53. "I just don't want to be as hairy as the check out Lady at Target."
54. "You may want to shave that.
55. "Bob, nice eye shadow, man"

On homosexuality...
56. "All you have to do is say you're gay and the women flock to you in droves!"
57. "Don't let your man wander too far in that red dress, alone in a big city."
58. "I've never seen so many men weather forecasting in all my life"
59. "There's a place for people like you.. It's called DuPont Circle."
60. 'I'm a sailor, what can I say?"
61. "Hey, people are gonna think you're gay here."
"Your'e not?"

On tourism...
62. "Imagine coming to your honeymoon in DC and seeing this sh*t?"
63. Said to a "civilian" in Georgetown..."Have you seen my friends?"
64. Heard by a 'civilian' in Georgetown "I don't know what fraternity that is but I gotta join!"

On gender roles...
65. "Put a man in a dress and they start forming lines for the bathrooms." unknown harriette at Dremo's
66. "Duck Job has the nicest pair of pregnancy breasts that I've ever seen on a man."
67. "It's not fair when a man looks better in a dress than a woman does."

On running...
68. "Apparently I'm running because I am a dumbass. It sure is hard to run after a couple of beers."
69. "Runners - go that way. (as they head to a check back) Hey Max - you come this way."
70. "35 people hop a fence in a park - all they had to do was run 50 feet and the fence had a gate. Ah beer .. it makes a lot of people stupid."
71. "Are we on? Oh - there are the Hari Krishna's.We're On!"

On white people dancing...
72. "Look at those white people thinking that they can dance. What is this - a ho-down?"
73. "I'm way too white to dance."

DC RDR 2000 Thanks

I can’t begin to express my thanks to all of the hashers who so kindly volunteered their time to help during the Red Dress Run. It’s amazing how much work it takes to keep a bunch of half brains organized enough to get through registration, giveaways, and t-shirt lines and on to the important stuff—drinking our beverage of choice. So while the rest of you were taking pictures and drinking beer, these folks were laughing their heads off (Head?) greeting everyone who came in and having a first hand view of all of you who were too whimpy to wear your red dresses into Lulu’s and ended up changing clothes upstairs. Needless to say, most of these folks have already volunteered their services for next year.

So in case you were too busy gawking to notice, here are the folks who made my life and yours ALOT easier. Helping with sign in were DangeRously Close, Driving Ms. Bitch, Duck Job, Fellatie Throw, $50 Bitch, Flying Burito, Great Puck, Leave It In Beaver, Milk Money, Packed With Seamen, and Whore Moans.  Assembling those giveaway bags were Bare Back, Continental Drip, Just Laura, Just Roger, Latin Analist, Missed Erections, MiteyTite, and Wankers Aweigh. Handing out the t-shirts were CheeseSpread, Dead Snatch, Desparate Dave, KY Belly, and Mounting Mama. Helping to sell our Politically Correct shirts were Fussy Bitch, Oil of NoLay, Perk A Set, and Short Cummings. Keeping the traffic flowing were our movers and shakers: Hands Solo, Pointless, and Where-Da-Fa-Khawe

And in case you think that the beer just magically appeared at the beer check, that’s because the White House Brew Crew was in charge. Lead by Jailhouse Cock, other Brew Crew members were Barney’s Bitch, Free Refills, Mr. Softie, and Never Saw Him Cumming.

Chronicling the event were Leaky Tampon with his video camera, and ONe tit Only who is writing the Hash Trash.

But most of all, we should all recognize Cunning Runt for designing our 007 shirts—the best design in a long time, Big Bird Turd for taking her design and making up all of the name tags, Fussy Bitch for the giveaways, Hawaiian Puke and Full Metal Balls for developing the trail, Pay Per View for being in charge of accommodations, Blank Check and Watergate for working with Lulu’s, Hard Drive for designing and updating the web page, and especially our Grand Master, Dual Airbags for keeping everything and everyone on track.  I can tell you that this was a GREAT team to work with.

And remember [to be said in a loud squeaky voice] the 8th Annual DC Area Red Dress Run is Saturday, October 6, 2001!

On On. Black Box

DC RDR 1999 Thanks

I hope that everyone had a terrific time at the Red Dress Run this year. I know I did. But we couldn’t have done it without the help of a lot of people, who graciously gave up their socializing and drinking time to help with the registration process and the beer and water check. If it wasn’t for them, hashers would still be standing in line trying to get in, even with an I.D.!

I would like to thank in particular Steel Trap, Milk Money, Bite Me Elmo, Missed Erections, Eat It Raw, Champagne Charlie, Hurley Gurley Mon, Full Metal Balls, Latin Anal-ist, Holy Tit, Tartwheel, Bonnie Brewer, Great Puck, Kiel Bastard, U.S. Boobs & Oral Report, Shave Me Elmo, Holiday Ho, Fag, Yes, Dear, Rainbow Dick, Great Balls of Fire, Rutro, Late Cummer, Fuzzy Butt, Call Girl, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Cheese Spread, Oil of Nolay, Wankers Away, Hot Legs, Flouncer, Hans Solo, No Quickies, and Chunky Monkey.

Doing an incredible job of serving beer and water were Cervix With A Smile, Leave It In Beaver, Steers & Queers, Mudpie, Just Brian (McDonald), Drop Box, Just Tim, and Fussy Bitch. And, of course, I’d like to thank my co-MisManagers Harddrive, who unfortunately sprained his ankle on the full mOOn hash the night before and couldn’t run the trail so he stayed behind at Lulu’s and let me do the trail; Blank Check and Big Bird Turd, for making the food and overall experience at Lulu’s absolutely incredible this year; Hasher Humper and Fussy Bitch for getting us such fabulous giveaways; Dual AirBags and Pay Per View for doing a great job with the trail; and Wilburrr for getting the t-shirts designed.

And remember: The 7^th Annual DC Area Red Dress Run will be some time in the future!

On On, you wild hashers, On On!
Black Box

MVH3 Scribes

Think party time with nearly 800 of your closest friends. Again this year the DC Area Red Dress Run was hosted at LuLu’s. The fun started when Hard Drive resprained his ankle at the previous night’s Full Moon causing Full Metal Balls to stand in as Hare. Next, this year’s Red Dress Mismanagement was surprised by a new requirement for everyone to show their ID to enter the bar. It’s amazing how many people travel across town and across country with no ID. But work arounds were implemented and everyone successfully registered. After draining five or six kegs before the start, the largest ever (in the world?) red dress pack be grudgingly departed for P St Beach, a local gay sunbathing hangout, for Father Abraham. It took ½ an hour to get the pack to the start, a mere five blocks from the restaurant.

Once underway, though, the pack was its usual traffic-stopping self. As we hashed through the city the trail first headed to the Watergate and the Kennedy Center. There, traffic backed up for almost a mile (all the way to the Lincoln Memorial!) as folks stopped to gape at the pack. Then, at the Lincoln Memorial, we disrupted an official gathering of the Libertarian Party--when asked over the loudspeaker system what we were running for, the resounding answer "BEER!" rang forth. Past the world’s largest phallic symbol (the Washington Monument) and on to the beer stop.

The Hares were surprised to turn around and see the pack only ½ block from them and closing fast as they entered the beer stop. Ahh, the joys of live trail setting! Another five kegs and 200 gallons of H2O were consumed at the beer stop. With that many people standing around in red dresses, it looked like we were all extras getting ready for some scene in a Felini film. The hares left again to restart trail, but the pack stayed on drinking, always drinking.

Finally, we walked/ran/stumbled to the Smithsonian and a ride on the metro. All except the two young harriettes who talked the police (intent on busting the brew crew for invading federal property) to give them a ride in the cruiser back to LuLu’s. The civilians on the metro train didn’t know whether to laugh or avoid our eyes.

And finally, after passing an ABC film crew (yes, we were on the nightly news), it was back to Lulu's and more beer and debauchery--another successful Red Dress Run! At the finish, the crowd finished off nearly 866 chicken halves and vats of potato salad and baked beans. Another 30 kegs of beer were consumed, making a total of 40 kegs for the day, as the crowd danced the night away to the sounds of music spun by LuLu’s DJ.

The dancing was momentarily interrupted by the Circle, where the Hares, Best Dressed Male and Female, and representatives from each of 65 Hashes from around the world, who sang "The Roof" in perfect harmony, all drank. Events wound down with Harrisbug/Hershey H3 flag being returned by WH4 Hash as the H5 hashers bowed in total subservience in order to reclaim ownership of their flag. Finally, "Swing Low" was sung and the hashers returned to their beer, food, and music, and "went in peace" to do their collective best to "get a piece!"

And remember: The 7th Annual DC Area Red Dress Run will be some time in the future!

On On, you wild hashers, On On!
Roto and Blank Check

DCH4 Scribe

What gets bigger every year? Among other things the Red Dress run. I heard numbers between 700 and 800 for registrants when all was said and done. The organizers are probably gone off to the rest home in the sky after this one. They really did an incredible job trying to accommodate everyone and everything and handle several last minute surprises. The biggest being that Lu Lu's decided they needed to card everyone as they went in. A significant number of Hashers did not bring ID since when was the last time most of us had to prove we were over 21?

Some were able to borrow somebody else's ID. Bobbie Hansen did us all proud when she just blended in with the crowd at the door and sneaked in. Seems some kid recently got a flight to St. Louis that way. Pre run beer was hard to get when they went down to one beer stand. I was with the die hards waiting for a beer before going out to join the circle. Of course we had to chug it before they would let us out the door. Even Elephant Dick from Rumson could not sneak one by the bouncer.

On the way to the circle several Hashers stopped at the fire station to be photographed with the big red truck. The circle was appropriately held at P St beach where the locals were not deterred by the onslaught and continued to bake their Nubian bodies in the sun. I did have the hardest time recognizing some Hashers in their dresses. Thought Stiff One was an attractive brunette until he started to speak and then I noticed the beard. Prefer getting kissed by Stiff One in a day old stubble than an attractive brunette anyway. Then we were off through West End to the Kennedy Center to the Lincoln Memorial.

By the time we got to the Lincoln Memorial we had perfected a non-violent technique for stopping traffic (critical mass). Thus the police pretty much left us alone, unlike the Full Moon Hash the previous night when the walkers were threatened with arrest by the Alexandria Police. The best part was going by the Lincoln Memorial. The Christian Coalition was in town, and, well it would be a shame to let that one go by. There was this cowboy on the loudspeaker, droning on and on about statistics. I do not believe anyone really cared, but then a more opportunistic guy got on the loudspeaker and said the equivalent of:

"Now we've been talking about the need to vote. I want you to look out there at those 700 people running in red dresses. (Hoots and howls from the Hashers.) They are a running group that come here to wear red dresses and drink beer for the weekend. Folks, if that an't freedom I don't know what is!" 

We ended up at a previously used lot off 14th Street for the beer check. There was abundant water and beer, and good opportunities to network. Spent time talking with Roto Rooter who recently moved out to western by Gawd Virginia thinking nobody out there knew beans about hashing. Wasn't he surprised when his neighbor across the road yelled "On On" and asked if he knew Flat Ass. Then there was this tall bearded man who seemed to know I was DCH4--damn that was Tore Ass in his retirement vestments. We stood around waiting for kraM and Come Again to show but alas they blew us off. From there it was pretty much a straight shot back to the Mall and a Metro Ride to Foggy bottom.

I don't know if the trail from Foggy Bottom went any place other than the On On--everyone headed that way knowing where there was beer. In true Hash fashion my objective was beer, food then beer. Worked too. Spent some time catching up with Hashers from near and far. Goofy challenged me to see who could get his/her shirt off quicker (alas I declined citing a need for support garments)...a good time was had by all.

On-On
Flat Ass