Thursday, October 09, 2014

RDR Pre-Lube Trail!

EWH3# 852: The Choose Your Own Adventure/RDR Pre-Lube Trail!- 6:45 PM Thursday, October 9th, Deanwood Metro (Ballbuster- Orange Line) and Eastern Market Metro (Regular- Orange/Blue/Silver Line)

 BALLBUSTER: Thursday October 2nd, 2014. Meet at 5:30, Pack away at 6PM SHARP!
REGULAR: Thursday, October 9th, 2014. Meet at 6:45, pack away at 7:15!

BALLBUSTER: Deanwood Metro (Orange Line)-follow marks to start!
REGULAR: Eastern Market (Orange/Blue/Silver Line)- follow marks to the start!

BALLBUSTER: St. Pauli’s Girl, Whisky Business, Big Bang, Blows a Tranny and RPI
REGULAR: Sphincter Shy. Whoregon Trail, Red Vag of Courage, Six Pigs and mystery hares.

Weather: PERFECT. I guess the RAs are good for something!

Miscellaneous Crap: SO. MANY. PEOPLE.

On On On: Phase 1!

Virgins: Just Mij, Just Nik, Just Nicole, Just John, Just Pablo, Just Melissa, Just Lauren, Just Kelsie, Just Brendan, Just MJ

Visitors: 5 O’Twat Shadow (Tidewater H3), Chew Toy (Voodoo H3), Cock Ness Monster (Voodoo H3), Deer Near (SOH4/Utica BTN H3), Dickie Wong (Voodoo H3), Dirty Virgin (Cape Fear/Carolina Trash H3), Duck Duck Oops (Skull and Boners H3), Extra Virgin Anal Oil (JustMaddy H3), F.A.R.T. (NYCH3/GGFM), Free 2 Lay (H5), Hand 2 Hand Cumbat (Hariettes for Healthy Hooters/DCRW), I Am What I Eat (Heidelberg H3), Imagine My Erection (Voodoo H3), Motherload (Crescent Shiggy/Voodoo H3), One Trick Dick (Utica BTN H3/SOH4), Penis Colada (NOH3), Penis Fly Trap (Skull and Boners H3), PhWedgie (H5), Slam Bam Thank You Lamb (Voodoo H3), Starship InHerThighs (CKH3), Stinkfinger (Oregon H3), Texticle Teaser (Voodoo H3), Wet Spots (Oregon H3), Straight In the Navy, Barefoot Youngdung (ABQH3), High Speed Cock Bumper (Tidewater H3), Pom Pilot (SOH4), Anatomically Incorrect Ken (Alamogordo H3), Wieners Out (Madison H3), Vanilla Is a Flavor Too (Carolina Trash), Ooh That Smell (Carolina Trash), And They’re Off… On My Face (Carolina Trash), Drunk Neighbor (Tidewater H3), Gag ‘Em Style (CUNT)

See? I told you there were a f%=k ton of people. Circle was so noisy, I lost my voice for a week. Blows a Tranny has never been happier.

Oh yeah, and we had some VIOLATIONS!!!!!!

Before trail began, All Flash No Drive gave me some words of wisdom. She said, and I quote, “all you gotta do is hang in there, make it short and make it naughty!” Excellent advice, AFND!

(Isn’t this the weirdest gif? I mean, is she naughty Pinocchio? Adding that to my “Halloween costumes to consider” list…)

You Sucked My Battle Dick was heard comparing her vagina to a Ferris wheel. Because there’s lots of riders, but she still takes you to new heights every time!

(Boys be like “no way am I waiting in line, it’s my turn next!”)

Jew Cock A lived up to his namesake when he was approached by little kids who immediately pointed at him and screamed, “wow he’s hairy!”

As Christina Aguilera once said, “you’re beautiful, no matter what they say.” So you do you, Jew Cock A. You do you.

Muppet Rapies came into beer check late because, quote, “I got lost in a bush and couldn’t find my way out!” In my mind she looked something like this:

Uncle Bad Touch was asking for jewelry and a wig for red dress because his dress “just doesn’t have enough flair.” The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, UBT.

Mouth Full of Clam confused chlorophyll with chloroform. Yikes.

And finally… the NAMING!!!!

Just Lucy is a neuroscientist, went to Oxford, and wants to have sex with Speedy Gonzales. She swiped her V card at 17 on a boat (with T-Pain, naturally), and then her parents walked in! She pooped and peed her pants at 7000 feet before jumping out of an airplane to escape from a man she had just copulated with. Rife with interesting stories, the names were thrown around pretty early for Just Lucy. The crowd favorites were The British are Cumming, Rip Whored, Parapooper, and God Save the Peeing. The crowd voted, and henceforth and forevermore, Just Lucy will be known as God Save the Peeing!

On- just thinking about red dress weekend makes me nauseous- on,

Mr. hEd

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