Friday, October 07, 2005


Like many of our fellow brother and sister hashers, we have but one word to describe this past drunken haze known as the DC Red Dress Run: exhausted. Sure there was a recovery run, and yes, there was a shigtastic WH4 run where we had harrierettes de-pantsing, but the scribes are too tired to go into full detail about those events here. Thus we’ll let the words of others describe the general feeling this year’s RDR left us…

To quote one-out-of-towner:

"You all did a totally amazing job, I had an excellent time!! And to every last one of you DC women hashers, I'll never see the color red the same way again! No fooling, I'm looking at a red binder on my desk and I'm almost laughing right here.

The DC crowd has really great people, and I was doing everything I could to meet new people all day. When you're at an out of town event, you just gotta. I'd love to name a few in particular, but between all the people I met and the beers that I drank, I don't want to miss anybody. You guys rock! See you guys next year. I'm already looking into business meetings that I can take in DC, so I can hash with guys again!"
Vagina Whiner
Harrisburg-Hershey H3

And yes, this was stolen from one of Big Bang's multiple White House Hash House Harriers announcements. And yes, the scribes are THAT lazy.

Saturday, October 01, 2005


  • Just Daniel for not only losing his ID, his Mensa membership card, MasterCard, AAA card and his Blue Cross card on trail but for carrying a f*cking Mensa card at a hash! Are ya kidding me??? BTW, that card has an expiration date. What’s up with that?
  • SMAC, Tupperware, Certified Underwater Naval Technician, and Schweinchen D*ck for auto-hashing
  • Tupperware for not watching where she's going - she ran into a street sign and tripped over a curb while carrying a traffic cone as a megaphone with EarShot
  • Senior Doucheberg for telling the scribe he's a "late cummer" and then attacking the scribe for duly noting his statement
  • Dick in the Eye and Metro Ho exchanged favors for a ride across the Key Bridge
  • Jiggles-Lo negotiated a cab fare from $15 to $20 - You're supposed to negotiate lower, man! Don't you know anything??!!

Party in the Temple!

We ended up at the Almas temple. The sea of red was most impressive from the top balcony. One harrierette referred to the event and venue as a hasher "prom". That's a very accurate description since many attendees hit the dance floor soon after getting their fill of grub and beer.

Fagnostic, very early on, was seen walking around in his shorts and a RDR t-shirt. When asked what happened to his fagtastic dress he mentioned that Late Nite Drive Thru was wearing it. There she was - trying not to expose too much flesh, while two hashers were assisting her putting the thing on. Did we mention that the dress is vinyl? Fagnostic noted that the dress looked a hell of a lot better on her than it did on him. One scribe tends to agree.

Now, while watching a harrierette put on her dress was amusing, watching other hashers REMOVE their “dress” was the highlight of the evening! Salt Lick Titties was definitely in her element as the paint was ribbed off (if you were there, you know what I am talking bout, if you weren’t there, too bad). IHOV and Jerkin were a tad bit more modest. The ladies (mostly from the SH*T hash contingent) swooned as the paint was ribbed off Rodeo F*ck.

Hokie No Pokie still had trouble identifying who his girlfriend was. Hokie was seen kissing Blowup Dalai Nada. Yes, on the mouth. Now in case you aren't familiar with Dalai Nada - he is a man, or at least, we think he is. In Hokie's defense, Dalai Nada makes a beautiful woman! But the Hokie trouble didn't end there! Hokie spent a good portion of the 8pm hour showing everyone who would watch what happened when the broken urinal was flushed in the men's 2nd floor restroom. At the end of the evening there was a 1/2 inch of water on the floor.

Oh! and beware hashers that want to flash their special packages. Is It In Yet? of Phoenix pulled his skirt up and displayed his puppy love underwear.
He stated, "My puppy is chasing pussys - aarf, aarf!"
And we don't know who this fellow is...but he's got some impressive packaging, too!

The temple and RDR mis-management (somehow!) extended the party hours until 9pm, but the DJs must not have been prepared...cause didn't they play Outkast's "Hey Ya" twice within a half-hour? Do those djs think we are drunken fools that won't remember they just played the same song 15 minutes earlier? Oh, yeah, right! We are drunken fools...

Run, Beer Check, Run

The walkers were sent out first - followed by the runners. The crimson wave coming out of Dremo's was most impressive.

The pack took off in fine style down towards Rosslyn and across the Key Bridge. All we have to say about the run was “WOW” as the FRBs were really pushing the pace on this one. Luckily, Toothfairy hadn’t lost his horn (yet) as he provided ample warning to our live Hares 2Lips in the Bush, Wet Nurse, Neat Purse and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Boner that we were catching up, quickly.

We attracted lots of attention and were honked at by not only cars on the bridge but also boats on the river. Always nice to keep ‘em happy and entertained eh? So we’re happily crossing the bridge when....

WTF??!! Not the Exorcist stairs!! Yup, up the stairs we went but only after being prodded, coaxed, and convinced we would survive (we were SURE those stairs were for descending only). Soon after recovering from the stairs, the pack found itself running through lovely and haughty Georgetown much to the delight/concern (you pick) of the shoppers and residents.

Some wanker apparently had a missed connection on Craigslist (obviously someone was delighted about our presence).

Long Cool Man in a Red Dress - w4m

Reply to:
Date: 2005-10-01, 5:50PM EDT

During the DC Red Dress Run this afternoon (10/1), at the intersection of N & 27th in Georgetown, I stopped my car and asked you what the hell was going on.

You were carrying a blonde at the time, but came over to my car and talked with me. You were sweaty and absolutely stunning.

You said you're from North Carolina and explained the hashing. I wanted to join in the fun.

But I was with my family, so I had no way to stuff your bra with my name and number.

I wanted to be the girl on your back... if you feel the same, email me.

And yes, this was also stolen from a Digby’s post. What can we say, we're still exhausted and thus, lazy mofos.
The pack was then rewarded with a beer check at Third Edition, which was not long enough, as they never seem to be.

To quote one hare at the beer check:
"We thought you all would be running at a leisurely pace…"

Did you run the Full Moon last night? That wasn't leisurely! What did you expect?
Ahhh, those Carolina folk...did any of y'all talk to any of them? One scribe was lucky enough to locate hidden pussys on at least 4 Carolina hashers at the beer check. Sextion 8 had a special bong drinking vessel that he so kindly let the scribe sip from. Scribing is damn thirsty work!

Once we left the beer check, the pack went through the last of Georgetown before making its way through lower Dupont Circle towards downtown. We don’t know if this happened to anyone else but one scribe was barked at by a large group of homeless men in a park near the end of trail. It must have been the thigh highs. What do you think?
The speed demons once again pushed the pace resulting in a very quick second half. So fast, in fact, that we arrived at the Almas Temple before they even started serving beer.

Circle and Awards

Sometime around three (who knows? was anyone completely sober at that point?) the RDR committee held the beginning circle where they gave out dogtag awards for categories such as best boobs, best ass, and other such silliness...


Best Dressed Female:
International House of Vagina
was clad in latex bodypaint. Kudos to Threat from Behind of Boston for designing and painting her sinful attire!

And what an upset! Raise My Titanic was tossed from her long-standing winning streak. It was an extremely close call!

Best Dressed Male:

Jack Off Lantern was wearing his Sunday-best drag queen dress and hat.

Best Legs:

A tall drink of water named Just Sam of Crystal Coast (his brother Twatermelon wasn't bad-looking either!).

Best Ass:

Whore of Sarajevo - Have mercy! That woman has a beautiful bum! That same ass won her the Ms. 2005 DC Area Hasher award at the Full Moon Beauty Pageant Hash back in April.

Best Cleavage:

We (the drunk scribes) can't identify who the winner was, but here's Tupperware inspecting the winner's goods! Anyone want to claim this pair?

There were more awards, but we were easily distracted at that point and ready to run. And run we did!

and Memorable Costumes

This year's Red Dress Run started off at the infamous Dremo's ! What a sensory overload from the sea of red (with some pink and black interspersed within the crowd).
There were some people who looked stunning (So Hot I’ll Turn You Gay), and some, well, who looked stunned (believe me, we're being kind on that one). The professional photographers seemed to be less and less shocked as the day went along. Good thing the beer was flowing like wine!

Let's give some shout-outs to some of our favorite red dresses:

How about the latex crew? Anal Fission was proud of himself at getting multiple girls to cum in bodypaint and many of the harrierettes where just as happy Rodeo F*ck did, as well. Salt Lick Titties, International House of Vagina, Double-Stuffed Whore-E-O, Jerkin the Gherkin, and Can't Stop the Semen were also crew members that bared it all.

Moist Sushi was a vampy fem-bot.

The Hare Krishnas were an interesting group as well...but the guys aren't wearing red!! Don't you smell a violation here? That's not all we smelled! Poodle F*cked managed to nauseate anyone downwind of him due to his overpowering stench from the incense he was burning.

Not So Silent Bob
of Charlottesville provided an alternative to the flowing beer...boxed wine from a tit! The girls were lining up to suck his tits. Not a bad way to pick up the chicks, if I say so myself! Guys! Take notes!

of San Diego (Trojan Man) and Just Tanya (Ms. Incredible is homeless! Will someone claim her?) played up the superhero theme.

Lookie at Fire in the Cornhole! Don't we recall seeing this EXACT same Elmo underwear last night at the Full Moon pre-lewd? Dude! Don't you change your drawers daily??!!

On a side note, there are, apparently, several colorblind hashers:

Golden Showers, all the way back from merry ole’ England, looked quite fetching in his pink and green camo.

One Time at Hand Camp looked just plain disturbing in his PINK frock.

We’ll forgive 3 Ring Cervix for wearing her black dress with only a TAD bit of red cause she was hot, yo.

Fill in the Blanks...

Below are comments and quotations overheard during the course of the RDR. Feel free to attempt to identify the person(s) speaking and the situation revolving around the comment.

Pick-up lines...
1. "I've never kissed a bald black man's head before."
2. "I lost my husband."
3. "I like making people cry."
4. 'What's our motto? If you can't say anything nice, come sit by me!"
5. "I would like a beer exactly how I like my men ...Dark"
6. "I'm f*cking wasted."
7. "Are you still here?"
8. "You are one high priced Prince William County Whore."
9. 'I saw your pee pee at least 5 times tonight"
10. "hey Susan, what are you doing?"
"I'm adjusting my party package"
11. "I'll start over here... and you bend over over there."
12. "What are we doing, besides you?"
13. "Boner - I wanna do you tonight."

On hooking up...
14. "I have a problem screwing someone who used to date a friend of mine"
"yeah right."
15. "Did you see your girlfriend?"
"Maybe she was In Cock Nito"
16. "He broke my penis"
17. " I was rode hard and put up wet... I think."
18. "I don't usually hook up at the hash."
19. "They call me a whore when I do what?"
20. 'I've been asked to play with his thing."
21. 'Have you heard? Mellow Foreskin Cheese made out with some chick last night!"
'What is this, an April Fools?"
22. 'They'll be f*cking here in a little bit...just don't get any on you."
23. "Hokie No Pokie showed me his wing-wing."
24. "you should have seen her last night! She had the biggest whore outfit on I've ever seen!"
25. "There are way too many girls here trying way too hard to get laid. Obviously they don't know how to work it."
"I think I'm the only one here that's been to all 12 RDR's and never worked a single one of them!"
26. 'Speaking of ho's, look at that!"

On silk...
27. "Silk feels good on my nipples."
28. "I'm really starting to like how silk feels on my body."

On asses...
29. "It looks like monster took a chunk out of her ass."
30. "He's got an ass to die for"

On hurricanes...
31. "Just say Hurricane Relief. We're wearing red for Hurricane Relief"
32. "I drank so much damn beer, my bladder thought it was a hurricane the last time I took a piss."

On obesity....
33. "Fat ladies wear tent dresses for a reason"
34. "Does this dress make me look fat?"
35. "I'm glad I didn't go home last night with a fat chick."
"She wasn't fat, she was big boned"
'Well,then, I'm glad I didn't go home with a big boned chick"
36. "Ok, I plan on getting fat. Maybe not THAT fat."

On ugliness...
37. "My Cock Shoots Blanks isn't get any prettier - even when he has clothes on."
38. "D*mn, you're even ugly in a dress."
39. "Ass Ogre in women's panties is not pretty."
40. "Wuakasha Hashers are not pretty hashers.It's a factory and beer town.Neither of which is conducive to pretty. but they can drink some beer!"

On personal hygeine...
41. "Ohhh man!!!! I have deodorant whiteness on my red dress. I should have worn my Secret Solid."
42. "I got shiggy on my dress."
43. "He's worried about not shaving his legs..but he's got pink hair."
44. "I think men should start carrying purses."
45. "The scary thing is.. he DID shave his back this morning."
46. "You're dripping boa all over the place."
"Well, I might as well be dripping something."
47. "Is this the line up for the bathroom? Holy Sh*T! I'm glad I don't have to go!"
48. "Look Moron Job - you thought YOU had bad hair!"
49. "Somebody farted. "
I think it's that Schweinkin guy, he always farts."
50. "Are you wearing a diaper?"
51. "Cheeze Wiz really ought to be named Shit's On Trail. She farts like a lumberjack."
52. "Does he know he still has his unibrow?"
53. "I just don't want to be as hairy as the check out Lady at Target."
54. "You may want to shave that.
55. "Bob, nice eye shadow, man"

On homosexuality...
56. "All you have to do is say you're gay and the women flock to you in droves!"
57. "Don't let your man wander too far in that red dress, alone in a big city."
58. "I've never seen so many men weather forecasting in all my life"
59. "There's a place for people like you.. It's called DuPont Circle."
60. 'I'm a sailor, what can I say?"
61. "Hey, people are gonna think you're gay here."
"Your'e not?"

On tourism...
62. "Imagine coming to your honeymoon in DC and seeing this sh*t?"
63. Said to a "civilian" in Georgetown..."Have you seen my friends?"
64. Heard by a 'civilian' in Georgetown "I don't know what fraternity that is but I gotta join!"

On gender roles...
65. "Put a man in a dress and they start forming lines for the bathrooms." unknown harriette at Dremo's
66. "Duck Job has the nicest pair of pregnancy breasts that I've ever seen on a man."
67. "It's not fair when a man looks better in a dress than a woman does."

On running...
68. "Apparently I'm running because I am a dumbass. It sure is hard to run after a couple of beers."
69. "Runners - go that way. (as they head to a check back) Hey Max - you come this way."
70. "35 people hop a fence in a park - all they had to do was run 50 feet and the fence had a gate. Ah beer .. it makes a lot of people stupid."
71. "Are we on? Oh - there are the Hari Krishna's.We're On!"

On white people dancing...
72. "Look at those white people thinking that they can dance. What is this - a ho-down?"
73. "I'm way too white to dance."