Saturday, October 07, 2006

The Unofficial After-Party

After RDR, much of the pack headed to Dairy Queen’s and Rear End Loader’s pad for a little after party.

Did anyone see the clown car pull up full of Carolina TRASH? Five of them stumbled out of the cab, popped open the back, and two more climbed out of the trunk. Ok, it was a one-zone cab ride from the bar to the party. Couldn’t you bunch not have afforded two cabs?

And while some hashers mistook the pots and pans for throw-up buckets, Motor Mouth patiently waited in line to puke. But, unfortunately, ended up projectile-vomiting over the 6-foot fence into the neighbor’s yard. I would have really hated to be that neighbor the next morning!

At the very end of the night, 3 Ring Cervix and Gimme an OOO were seen giving WOWO blowjobs so that they could take the limo back to Arlington. Acceptable hash behavior!

RDR Party

Back at HR57, 3-2-1 F*ck Off was seen rubbing Double Header’s a$$. Her dad was so jealous of the special attention that he requested, “If you rub her ass, you have to rub everyone in the family’s a$$es.” Poor 3-2-1.

Additionally, Rotten Whore from Chicago lived up to her name. She hit on every guy at the hash saying, “It doesn’t matter, my husband is in a different time zone.”

Fire in the Hole got lucky by riding Bloody A$$hole. Too bad she was about three feet too high. Next time aim lower sweetheart.

Drip Dry spent all night asking folks if they wanted to see Poop Weiner’s p*nis. When they said yes, she pulled out her camera and showed off a picture from the lingerie run. I’m not sure if that’s a tease on Drip Dry’s part or on Poop Weiner’s part…

Jack Off Lantern was very distraught because he left his ID in his purse, and then lost his purse.

And we have heard that it IS possible to offend Hokie No Pokie. As much as he writes about disturbing sexual acts, he was distressed by a joke involving fat chicks and cinder blocks.

Executive Spread, Bone Sucker, & P*nis Colada are such drunk train wrecks that they have created a whole new level of awesome that is unparalleled by any local hashers.

The Horny Grail spent the whole night tagging guys with her lipstick, but she didn’t even get laid that night. Apparently, she never ran into Nub because he was too busy with Runs With Bulls.

Trail Shenanigans

At the start of the trail, Monday Sticky Monday was seen paying off a few hashers so that they wouldn’t catch the hares. Come on! What’s wrong with getting de-pantsed??!! Apparently, one co-hare, Blowup Dalai Nada, was nowhere to be found. And the other, Obeastiologist, peed in his own pants in anticipation of laying trail. After doing that, his pants needed to be removed! Of course, we have heard that he wants to be EWH3’s hare razor next year. Hmmm....aren't we a trifle scared at that prospect?

WOWO reached the pinnacle (or is it rock bottom?) of his public speaking duties by climbing atop a dumpster to address the masses. For RDR 2006, there were three trails to choose from – one runner’s trail and two walker’s trails. One walker’s trail was slightly unofficial, though.

Pullz It Out led a bar crawl for those that wanted to stay within 3 blocks of the start. While we admire these wankers for not wanting to go so long without the beverage of choice, we have to wonder why they would go to a gay bar in red dresses to pay for beer when they could have been enjoying free beer at the beer check.

Of course, some of it may be excused by physical limitations. Iron Maiden only made it a half a block from the start before she started to complain that her stilettos were hurting her feet. Now, we are all hashers and we all know that trail will be longer than half a block. Could she not have been slightly more prepared for trail?

Golden Showers did a good job of warding off the gay guys on the bar crawl by growling at them and sticking his devilish pitchfork in their faces. We're pretty sure that wasn’t the stick that they were expecting to be stuck in their faces. Oh well…sorry guys!

Meanwhile, on the official runners’ trail, Beaver Whack was seen smoking a cigar throughout the entire trail. If she’s going to be sucking on something that big, and she calls herself a hasher, shouldn’t it be someone’s cock?

Also seen on the runners’ trail was RoadKill and Haystack picking up about 20 high school girls out in front of the White House. Need we remind you that Bill Clinton is no longer in the White House and hitting on young girls out front is probably frowned upon by the current administration?

After the beer check, Bloody A$$hole was seen hopping in a cab. As he is usually an FRB, people were understandably confused and began to wonder if he auto-hashed every trail to be an FRB. It turns out that he actually took the cab to Fuddruckers to get a burger and made the cabby wait while he got his grub. Didn’t he know that RDR Mismanagement had arranged for some tasty treats back at the bar?

Somewhere along the second half of the trail, Wookin Pa Nub was seen having sex on trail with Runs With Bulls. It seems that Nub got really drunk (SURPRISE!) and thought that RWB was a chick because he was wearing a dress. As usual, RWB went along with it because he is such an attention-wh*re.

Notable Costumes

Cum Dumpling apparently never made it home the night before as he needed to wear his lingerie to RDR. Either that or he was too cheap to buy two outfits (Our vote: Too cheap! He is the money collector for EWH3, after all!).

Number 2 drove up looking like Fred Flinstone in drag. And since he drives a Mazda Miata, one could actually imagine him powering his car with his feet. Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

Just outside the bar, (Can’t Find) Pussy in a Haystack was found talking to a couple of older folks. Turns out that they were his parents - if you’re going to bring your parents to RDR, they should at least be like Double Header’s parents and have enough courtesy to wear red dresses….so learn them some manners, next time!

Also outside the bar was Not So Silent Bob. He forgot it was RDR and thought it was Halloween. But we forgive him because he was serving some good sh*t from his boobs (no! not his man boobs!). I swear…if girls had boobs that could give off booze like that pair, girls would never have a reason to leave the house. Who wants to go to a bar, flirt with an ugly guy for a couple of free drinks if booze could flow from your own tits like that?

Speaking of boobies, Can’t F*ck Dust was attempting to compete with Chest Nuts, Designer Bush, and Shamrock Your Cock for the biggest tits in the hash. Better luck next time, buddy - I think the girls still have it.

Lube Me Up Scotty, lived up to her outfit and stole a puppy a la Cruella De Ville. There has to be a renaming in there somewhere.

There were certainly some other characters to be found at RDR. White Kane and Bow-Chick-a-Bow-Bow looked like the Moroccan Blues Brothers. We didn’t even know that was possible.

And let’s not forget the Geishas! Burning Bush, 3 Ring Cervix and Kiliman Jackoff put on a great performance, but they were such teases. We didn’t hear of a single person getting a blowjob from any of them. Unacceptable hash behavior!

Put it Out showed his girly side that day. He was so afraid that it might rain, he brought a little parasol with him. The only problem was that it wasn’t big enough to keep even his tiny, little dick dry.

Speaking of girly sides, Jackoff Lantern was overheard saying “I spent a lot of time in the bathroom this morning removing body hair.” It worked, he was almost unrecognizable. I think he looked better than most of the girls.

Finally, SeƱor Doucheberg cannot be overlooked in the girly department. I have never seen someone look so cute wearing shiny red “Princess” pajamas.

Anal Fission showed up wearing a “dress” made out of bondage tape. We all know that he’s into that kind of thing, but did anyone else find it disturbing that he had enough red bondage tape to actually make a dress?

Runway Snatch needs a special mention for impersonating a church lady. We wouldn’t take exception to this occurrence, except that we all know that she has never stepped foot inside a church (she might burst into flames on the spot).

Getting Started

The day dawned crisp and overcast, but that didn’t stop many hashers from donning scantily clad attire regardless of the damp weather.

Moist Sushi was a notable stand-out in her scintillating garment.

On the other hand, some hashers felt it necessary to bundle up - Who were the mystery hashers behind the Middle Eastern burkas?

Hashers stumbled into HR57 mostly hung over from the previous evening’s lingerie run (educational note: HR57 is a non-profit jazz club devoted to promoting the history of jazz). Okay, enough of the serious stuff! Onto the dirt!

RDR Mismanagement did a phenomenal job (as always!) with their team of volunteers to get the 425 half minds signed in, photographed, and most importantly, to initiate the day-long drinkfest.

Although, we are intrigued by the fact that the giveaway (the Survivor-like head scarf thingie) needed directions. If it were a battery operated device (use your imagination), we could understand…but it was a piece of fabric. What the heck are we supposed to do with that? We have enough trouble reading the directions in order to stop a VCR from blinking 12 o’clock, let alone the patience to twist this getup into a hairnet.

Hashers Say the Darndest Things

“It’s a good thing my dick isn’t bigger, because it would hang out of this dress”--Monday Sticky Monday
“Of course I look good, it’s a Ralph Lauren”--Butt Brown Ale
“I don’t do drag well” --Butt Brown Ale
“I love the material this dress is made of. After this is over, I could make some fabulous pillow cases from it.”--Butt Brown Ale

“Hey Pond Scrum! Check that out!

Whoa! That’s a dude - never mind.”--Butt Brown Ale

“Why is Pond Scrum praying here on the streets of DC? Holy Shit! He’s not praying; he’s peeing!”--Big Bang
“A good think about my wife being sick is that I don’t need a fluffer this year to warm her up.” --Big Bang

After putting on his dress and putting on make-up, Can’t F*ck Dust picked up a wand with a star on it and said,

“Would it look gay if I carried this?”
“Stop! Shop at Target!”--Snatch Shot (at all crossings on the
walkers trail)
“I love semen”--Obeastiologist
“A good way to proposition women for anal sex is to say “How much do you like walking?”--Jack Off Lantern
“Trust me, if you just agree to do it, he will leave you alone.”--Takes it up the Ehh
“Hey Kool-Aid!”--Pond Scrum yelling to Wooly Mamaries
“Dressing like speed racer’s girlfriend is kind of cool. Now where is my Chim Chim?”--Test Tube Baby
A conversation at the RDR:
Pond Scrum: “What’s up with Jack Off Lantern’s legs? He made those as smooth as an alter boy’s ass”
Bow-Chick-a-Bow-Bow: “That’s disturbing. Uhh, how do you know the smoothness of Alter Boys?”
Pond Scrum: “I’m dating again”

On why he shaved his legs Jack off Lantern said:

“I wanted to win best dressed”