DC RDR is Just Like Apple Pie

After 20 years, I’ve come to the conclusion that the red dress run is exactly like a homemade apple pie. I know it’s a crazy comparison but let’s work this thing out on paper, shall we?

About a month ago Little Big Man and I were at the mall. All of a sudden I realized we need to get some red dresses so he and I head over the ladies section and there we stood. We went digging through the racks to find just a few red dresses, none of which really made the cut. But we took them out, we touched them, we checked the sizes and Little Big Man then asked me out loud in the middle of the women’s section, “Mom, what size dress do you think I am?” That might send some normal moms into a complete mental freeze and a small pucker up the backside as mom thought about telling dad of this new turn in their lives.
But not I.
I sized him up and told him probably a 16 or an 18 to be safe.
And then I watched as a few people sized us both up and moved away from the ladies section quite hurridly.

As one goes to the store to find apples for this homemade pie, we head to the produce section where we’ll stand there for the next few minutes groping apples like our prom date groped us in the back of his daddy’s Ford F150.
Oh.
Was that just me?
We pick up each kind of apple and we feel for firmness, we smell them, then we try to figure out how many to buy and do we want any to simply eat as they are?
You may stand there awhile feeling up the produce and oohing and awing about the macintosh orthe red delicious or even the pink lady. In the end, I always buy a few granny smiths and then whatever else looks appealing and feels good to the touch.

When we finally get our dresses home we hang them up and maybe try them on for size and then start to plan the rest of the outfit. For many a man that I saw at DC RDR this year this was half the fun. I secretly think that men like to dress like women – hell – I only saw men throwing glitter all over the place this year and if men are spending time going to Michaels to buy glitter then they are working way too hard to be like a woman. I saw many a male hasher with matching purses, hats, jewelry, hosery, topped off with a full panel of mani-pedis to boot.

All The Way In looked like he could have made a fortune that evening if only he just went outside and stood on the corner. I passed him three times before I realized She was a He and a He that I knew.

We get our apples home and we wash them and we trim off the skin. We dice them up and throw them in a bowl, add lemon juice and then add all of the spices – nutmeg, cinnamon, allspice, salt, some flour and some sugar. We mix all that up and then try a few pieces. Yeah that’s pretty good so you have a few more. Then you have to cut up some more apples because you’ve stood there eating half the apples. We finally put them all in the pie shell and cover it up with the other half of the pie shell then egg wash the top, add sugar to the egg wash and put this massive masterpiece in the oven to bake for 40 minutes or so.

We don our new red dress finery and we show it off to 600 other hashers who have just done the exact same thing. Everyone looks great – they surely made the 20th anniversary extra special. The glitter this year made everyone more fabulous than normal. I saw more sparkly man sweaters than I care to admit. “Man sweater?” you ask.
That’s the cro magnum dude you saw with the spaghetti strapped red dress and all his manfur hanging out.
And yes I mean on his chest AND on his back - all being shown off with a nice smattering of red glitter stuck in and amongst the fiberous mansweater. How these hashers went home alone, Ill never know.

We take our apple pie out of the oven and leave out so everyone can admire how good it looks – minus the red glitter, of course.

We then sample what red dress has to offer. We walk around the venue, checking it out. Music was thumping and everyone was hanging out with friends and having a great time! We spy the two bars fully loaded with a fabulous selection of beers that were available this year – fat tire and 60 minute IPA among two of them!
“what?”
“for real?”
Sweet red dress of yore! This is awesome!
Did you stick to your coors light or bud so you could have more and not get so wasted?
I can guarantee that process didn’t work out so well for about 25 percent of the young hashers there. One in particular had 7 beers before even leaving for the run.
Many of us took our new personalized red fleece coats and put them in our hash bag so we could be sure and not leave them behind as they were way too nice to lose.

We then leave on the hash and meander our way over to the beer check where more dancing, more drinking, more hanging out with friends occurs. Or maybe some wayward red dress harriette , who obviously has no idea how frightlfully bitchy, loud and scar, who lives up the wall plaque in her kitchen “if the broom fits ride it !” Dual Airbags is, looks at Little Big Man and asks, “hey, you wanna make out?”
Mommy isn’t real sure if there was an answer or this chippy harriette just slams your baby boy up against the wall and jams the devil tongue of hers down his throat like she was trying to get to his family jewels THAT ARENT FOR SALE from the inside.
Or so I’m told.
Several times.
By several different hashers.
And by his dad.
Who, by the way is smiling and high fiving this freak little side show that is now a main attraction at the beer check. “yeaaah, that’s MY boooouuuuuuuyyyy!” And who will sleep with the dogs for allowing this manhandling to even happen.
How many times have I said to not to manhandle the produce?
You little chippie whore of a harriette?

We head back to the original bar where food was set up but no venue every really gets it when we say have a lot of food and plenty of it.
What was there plenty of? Beer.

As the hours pass you may not quite remember where the people you came with are.
Or maybe one of you is lost.
Or maybe one of you is passed out and maybe one of you hasn’t come back from the beer check yet.
Or maybe now the beer goggles are starting to get fuzzy and you cant be sure if you saw who you were supposed to be seeing or not.
Or maybe you remember what just happened at the beer check and to avoid any questioning or any unpleasant conversations with Mommy, you stay kind of lost.
In any case what doesn’t happen very often at red dress run is uttering or even hearing the following question to any red dress attendee save for one poor little Over The Hump hasher …

Slippery When Wet spies Little Big Man somewhere in the nightclub and asks

 “Have you seen your mother?”

Back at home our apple pie has cooled off. We take a sample of what this pie has to offer – we cut it into it and we take a huge slice and put it on our plate. We take out the vanilla ice cream and put a great big dollup atop the pie. We take our spoon and dip into the melty coldness of the vanilla ice cream is it meets the crunchy goodness of the sugary crust with the gooey warmness of the cimmamony baked apples.

But remember, you can have too much of a good thing. Two slices, or God forbid, three slices will give you that very sick, holy crap, ive gone into a sugar coma type of feeling.
Too much beer in too short of time with not enough food can also put you into a coma..
Too much tongue sucking by chippie harriettes will also put you in a coma.

In any case, you end up asleep on the couch, all the while saying, I should really learn to pace myself.




On On
Dual Airbags
Great job DC RDR MM 2013!!

DC RDR 2012

Sign in started at noon, but most of us were seriously hung over (or woke up in random places and had to get home) so I can’t imagine anyone actually got to McFadden’s more than an hour before trail. The train ride was ridiculously long, and resulted in Just Kathy having to continuously remind Spew Tube not to scare children. As the pack converged on Foggy Bottom, however, the ratio of hashers to muggles started to grow, and before long we were in a crowded sea of red dresses in the bar.

Since so many of us were at the DC RDR this past weekend, I thought I’d use this space to sort of recall and give shoutouts to the DCH4 pack members I saw. Ok, that’s a lie- I just want to make everyone else really jealous. Anyway, here’s a basic overview of what went down Saturday. The pack: Spew Tube, Just Kathy, Math Sucks Let’s Fuck!, Doc Strangelove, Daddy’s Dick, Cho-King Hazard, ZZ Bottom the 3rd, Cheese Jizz, Bavarian Bush, Incredible Edible Shmegg, Late Nite Drive Thru, Ass Spelunker, Shim Job, Survival of the Spittest, Just Helen, RU-469, Happy on His Knees, Blinded by the Spooge, Just Brian, Electric Muff Chuckler, Wreath Around and Skeeter on My Tweeter.

One or two beers were had, and probably the most useful giveaways we have ever received at a hash event were bestowed- oversized, personalized flasks! When the hares finally got their heads out of their asses, we all circled up in the square, causing the scene we had all been wanting to create from the very beginning. Hares went out, the drunken pack followed. It was a super scenic trail, taking us past the White House and random protestors. Some of us decided to “hash smarter, not harder” and took the walker’s trail to beer check… little did we know there was a third option to just cab to the bar.

Once at On In, we were all in our natural element. Survival of the Spittest and her kid sister Just Helen went to work showing up some harriers in a game of strippy cup. Shim Job started perusing the visiting Justs and picking off the drunkest among them. Incredible Edible Shmegg and Math Sucks Let's Fuck! were the first people in the bar to strip down to just red panties and then proceeded to tear up the dance floor. In the absence of her fellow DCH4 cougar sisters, Bavarian Bush had her pick of that entire young and yummy crew of EWH3 boys. The newest DCH4 romance was revealed when bar security busted down a locked closet door and inside was a pair of familiar (and very guilty-looking) faces, Wreath Around and Skeeter on my Tweeter. And Cho-King Hazard, despite being in a beautiful and classy ball gown, practiced slapping Blinded by the Spooge across the face in a do-over of what many of us witnessed at BAH3 GDR earlier this year.

Holy hell were we all surprised by beer check. Not some usual dive or sports bar, but one of those fancy-shmancy downtown clubs with security in suits and earpieces. Inside, the walls were mirrored, it was full of sofas, and there were enough stripper poles that we could have entertained ourselves for hours! Or at least ZZ Bottom the 3rd and Electric Muff Chuckler (EMC) could have entertained us for hours, those boys know how to work a pole!

After several beers and watching a few people fall on their heads while attempting the stripper pole (seriously, ask Late Nite Drive Thru for the real reason she had to take Ass Spelunker to the hospital), we were back to McFadden’s for private debauchery within stumble distance of the hash hotel.

Things of this nature went on for oh, maybe 5 hours, before the bar owner announced we all had to put clothes on and started allowing the muggles to infiltrate out party. We all sucked down the remaining free beer, grabbed the closest single hottie, and either stumbled across Pennsylvania Ave to the hotel or boarded Mursey Fuck’s party bus, which arrived just in time to serve us more beer on the 200 yard drive to the start of the evening’s pub crawl. Either way, we all got a piece and life was good (until we had to deal with our hangovers the next day).

On On!  Math Sucks, Let's Fuck!

RED DRESS RUN RECOVERY!!

Hares: WH/Hangover Hash combo

False Advertising,

This is almost unprintable as submitted.  My edits are below.

-ed.

It was a cold and drizzly morning, but about 40 functional alcoholics faithfuldragged themselves out of someone stranger’s bed to make a last desperate attempt to get some nookie instead of passing out in some stranger’s bedparticipate and continue with the booze-fest camaraderie of the night before. 

The trail was laid by the newly-christened Hanger Over hash.  They were dumbthoughtful enough to lay an actual trail, with running and everything.  About 10 or 15 hashers ran the trail while the rest were too hung over contented with a leisurely stroll through skanky alleys the city.

The pack looked way hotter last night  enthused as they first drank even more alcohol refreshments provided by White House to avoid the shakesdehydration. 

The hashers shared furtive, embarrassed glances stories about the night before and new-found one-night-stands friends exchanged fake contact information.

The On-On was held at Madhatter which was totally unprepared a perfect venue for this scary looking lively bunch.

At the On-On the hashers chatted about the asinine fun things they did on trail.

Mursey F*ck challenged False Advertising to knife fight for a Nats playoff ticket.  F/A declined since Mursey had the obvious advantage since he is Puerto Rican.

Uncle Bad Touch tried to convince the pack that letting a guy go down you does not mean you are gay.

Mega hash brownie points to Ass Spelunker for bringing the Costo-sized jar of Advil!!!

Sketchy Ho and Spunk in the Trunk complained that the one-mile trail was too long.

Math S*cks, Let’s F*ck tried to convince everyone that she wasn’t making up the story about having a foursome the night before.  (It’s okay. We believe YOU believe it.)

Pico De Gayo walked three miles in the rain with no shoes in an attempt to get laid…and failed.  Yup, he’s a Hasher.

A good time was had by all until the alcohol poisoning kicked in and the chain-reaction vomiting started.

On-On,

False Advertising

2011 DC Red Dress Trash

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RDR Thanks

I've never seen so many packages in all my life.And it aint Christmas people.
How on God's Red Earth did Ugly Naked Guy get in?
And he was dancing around with a sock on "mantown".
Now I know what put a sock on it and bury it in the backyard comes from.Mantown.

Not many women think mantown is beautiful - I certainly didn't see any beautiful mantown graffiti artwork while walking the streets of DC. Mantown never gets trimmed up and shaved because men have not come to know and love a Brazilian bikini wax like most of us. And I know most of you have one question for this fat, old woman with a Brazilian bikini wax - why?Not me sister.
I still search ebay for Nair.

Anyway, I see most of you take the time to really go all out for RDR - get new dresses, new undies, new bras and the like. The thing I crack up in seeing is all the 2 day old man stubble out there. Are most of you men still afraid someone downtown is going to mistake you for a woman? Is that why you don't shave and wear tight dresses so that the mantown package is visible and cannot be mistaken for, oh, I don't know, a genital wart?

The only man I thought could have passed for a woman is All The Way In currently hashing with OTH4. My God, he put most of us women to shame. To shame, I say, to shame. If he swayed his hips just a little more and had a purse, hell, I would have asked him to come home with me, for God's sakes.

Anyway - to Motormouth and company -
that was fabulous!Good job guys!!!!

Dual Airbags

RDR 2007

If you didn't show up because of last year, you missed out.

RDR is an event.

It was fashion, fun and fabulousness all wrapped up in a shiny shriners club.


There were several from OTH4. Slit Lightning, TBOS, Amber Alert, Waxing Wilbur, Chasing the Beast, 14K, Molly Hatchet, One Pump Chump and Dual Airbags.

We started out at Slit's and Spankers house and walked down the street in our red dress attire to King Street Metro.

And as we should, we attracted alot of attention.

The good, the bad and the ugly was with us.

You try to answer all the questions but then find it's more fun when you leave them guessing. it's fuuny when it's one person all by themselves but a group of crazy attracts attention.

We get on the metro and during the ride Flying Burrito boards the train... in shorts.
AH HA!
He was too scared to walk to the metro in his red dress all by himself. I think if he should have worn his red dress all by himself. People would have made wide berth around him and not bothered him at all. In fact, their thoughts would be something along the lines of, "Look at that crazy mother f*cker."

I know that's what I would have said.

About a month ago we were running at lunch and some crazy dude in a pink tutu came running out of the woods out of no where.

Did we ask him could we help him?

No.

Did we ask him why on God's Pink Earth did he have pink tutu on while running in the woods?

Nope.

Did we bother to ask him if he was ok, even?

Hell no.

What did we do?

We made a wide berth around him and we said, "'Look at that crazy mother f*cker."

At another stop 14k and his pretty pink panties scared the would be passengers and they ran to another car.

I guess the stitching in his panties screaming for mercy scared them.

So we finally arrive at MacPherson Square and take the walk of doom in a red dresses through the throng of DC's homeless. Talk about feeling like a failure in a red dress - if a homeless guy has the drunken cajones to yell that you're ugly should you take it seriously? How about if he tells you you look better than his momma? Where do you draw the line between homeless reality and reality?

Finally the site of someone else in a red dress!!!

So we sign in and are told to head to P2 which happens to be the Party Party room.

And it's like being led into the Happy House at Fairfax hospital - the 4th floor!

Come On In - we know you here!!

There are piles of people you haven't seen in a long time.

Some people look fabulous and more don't.

Let's take about RDR fashion, shall we?



Did anyone take a good look at Strange Ground Chuck?

He's preggers - I'd lay money on it.



You know who had a fabulous purse?

It was I Love Lucy!

Continental Drip.

He had on a babydoll dress made from material with beer glasses all over it.

I'm betting a big amount of money that Vera Wang was not the designer.

And I'd bet that the designer had a beer, a moon pie, and an RC cola and was living in a house made of tin.



Aunt Flow.

What can you say about a Aunt Flow?

I thought she was hot.

The older I get, a good looking cane makes me randy.



Big Bang.

His 6 oclock shadow hanging out of that dress was inspiring.

And when Coin Operated walked up and screamed, "OHHH, we're wearing the same dress!!" and she had boobs hanging out of hers instead of hair,

I would have to say that she did indeed looked a tad better in that dress.

but only because she had boobs.

If she had hairy boobs hanging out of that dress it would have been a landslide.

But then at some point Big Bang and Aunt Flow swapped dresses and I was hot for Big Bang.

Bad Ditch.

H O T.

New Orleans makes em H O T.


Number 2.

Picture it - Drew Carey with his own Drew Carey glasses and a skimpy red dress.

Goose pimply.


Wanks With Wolves.

that woman has some serious boobs hiding behind a seriously hideous house dress.

I was hearing cow bells every time I neared her.

Makes you ponder whay they call those things Moo Moo's.


Hard Drive.

Lovely hat, and fabulous Espirit hand bag.

but frocky. Very frocky.


So Hot I'll Turn You Gay.

Need I say more?


Hermies.

Big, hairy guys in big, saggy diapers is not as cute as when they were ohh, saaayy 6 months old.

In fact, it was downright scary.

And like a car wreck, I kept slowing down to stare.


And Ass Ogre.

Why on Gods green earth did I think he was wearing underwear? He must have kissed me, and hugged me 5 times and while I was eating my dinner on the steps he waved and his dress rode up and his peepee hung out.

Fantesticly funny.


Virgen Avec Mary.

Very cute black hat and stockings.

She is just cute, cute, cute.


PutsItOutSucksMyDick.

Ever wonder what Hugh Hefner would be doing if he ever got out of those pajamas?

Why poeple would be going up to him and saying he looks just like Phil - parasol, funky Minnie Pearl hat and everything!


Wycked Felina!

ggggrrrrrrrrrrr.

She makes 40ish fabulous!


And who could forget the strawberries.

I just wanted to lick them.

All of them.

Lick, lick, lick.


Speaking of licking - I have never seen so much motorboating in all my life! Titly Winks was very good at it. She hoisted up Wanks With Wolves' boobies, got them in the right position and it sounded like an outboard motor in a big, old, tin trash bin!!

Man - she's good at that.

I was jealous.

She would have motorboated me she said but my boobs hadn't seen perky since I was 5.

Apparently she has scruples about who's boobs she's gonna put her face in.

Humph.


Wowo.

Any man that can wear a wrap around dress without waxing his chest is a man I'll sleep with.


14k.

he's a handsome woman, in too short, too tight dress.

Listen 14k, did we not just discuss this Friday night?

Lycra and fat do SO go together like peanut butter and jelly.

You wear it good, guurlll.


Suck Cock for Crack.

I want to run my hands through that thick, dark, hair.

It reminds me Elvis and Wayne Newton all wrapped up in tall, dark and handsome.

Yum. and me.

yummie.


Full Metal Balls.

Could go running through the streets nakid for all I care. I've seen him naked all my life and I swear, he gets better lookin every time.


And Hows Her Bush.

Ever been to Myrtle Beach?

They have a "Drag Show Theater" and I think he's the main attraction.


Jag Queen.

Some Pepto Bismal bottle is missing it's pepto.


And Boy Toy's dress.

tsk tsk tsk.

Someone's bagpipes are naked.

It was miles of plaid gone bad.

"Plaid Boy, Plaid Boy Whatcha gonna do? Watcha gonna do when the Scotman comes for you?"


Ah yes.

We could go on and on and on.

But who am I, Joan Rivers?


Fun.

It was fun.

A best dressed contest in the house of the homeless?

What could be funner than 500 people in red dresses in the middle of a city park on a beautiful Saturday afternoon? And we're trying to have a contest?

Idiots really.

But watching idiots IS fun!

That's why I go to work every Monday morning!

We walked by the White House and all the protesters in Lafayette park.

We stopped traffic and posed for pictures for all the tour buses!

We gave head through the iron bars of the stairway at the beer check

(ok, that was only one chick giving head to one fella but it was fun to watch.

Although peni are ugly. Especially one you don't know personally).

I never saw so much beer chugging by women in all my life. It was like a frat party with no frats.
Just bras.

And lots of them.

All over the place - even the men were wearing them.

And motorboating.

Everywhere.

At any moment.

I think it's an olympic competition now.

Back at the Shriners the DJ had everyone grooving on the dance floor.


Fabulousness.

If you can combine fashion and fun so flwalessly then you get fabulousness.

And who knows fablulousness better than WoWo?


no one.


Good job Wowo.

It was FUN!


On On

Dual Airbags

Thanks Everyone

Red Dress Run Weekend was such a success!

From EWH3's Thursday Ball Buster trail, Full Moon's Friday Lingerie Run/Party, the Red Dress Run, of course, and Sunday's WH4,  not one, but two runs to thoroughly finish everyone off. Good times!

Special thanks to Rear End Loader for letting us risk our lives within his construction project, and Motor Mouth for giving me lasting nightmarish images. All of you behind the scenes wankers/suckers that make it all happen, thank you.

- Best Moment: Running through a troop of cheering Boy Scouts on the National Mall with grown men in red dresses, their leaders arms crossed and not smiling.

On On
~ Dial F

The Unofficial After-Party

After RDR, much of the pack headed to Dairy Queen’s and Rear End Loader’s pad for a little after party.

Did anyone see the clown car pull up full of Carolina TRASH? Five of them stumbled out of the cab, popped open the back, and two more climbed out of the trunk. Ok, it was a one-zone cab ride from the bar to the party. Couldn’t you bunch not have afforded two cabs?

And while some hashers mistook the pots and pans for throw-up buckets, Motor Mouth patiently waited in line to puke. But, unfortunately, ended up projectile-vomiting over the 6-foot fence into the neighbor’s yard. I would have really hated to be that neighbor the next morning!

At the very end of the night, 3 Ring Cervix and Gimme an OOO were seen giving WOWO blowjobs so that they could take the limo back to Arlington. Acceptable hash behavior!

RDR Party

Back at HR57, 3-2-1 F*ck Off was seen rubbing Double Header’s a$$. Her dad was so jealous of the special attention that he requested, “If you rub her ass, you have to rub everyone in the family’s a$$es.” Poor 3-2-1.

Additionally, Rotten Whore from Chicago lived up to her name. She hit on every guy at the hash saying, “It doesn’t matter, my husband is in a different time zone.”

Fire in the Hole got lucky by riding Bloody A$$hole. Too bad she was about three feet too high. Next time aim lower sweetheart.

Drip Dry spent all night asking folks if they wanted to see Poop Weiner’s p*nis. When they said yes, she pulled out her camera and showed off a picture from the lingerie run. I’m not sure if that’s a tease on Drip Dry’s part or on Poop Weiner’s part…

Jack Off Lantern was very distraught because he left his ID in his purse, and then lost his purse.

And we have heard that it IS possible to offend Hokie No Pokie. As much as he writes about disturbing sexual acts, he was distressed by a joke involving fat chicks and cinder blocks.

Executive Spread, Bone Sucker, & P*nis Colada are such drunk train wrecks that they have created a whole new level of awesome that is unparalleled by any local hashers.

The Horny Grail spent the whole night tagging guys with her lipstick, but she didn’t even get laid that night. Apparently, she never ran into Nub because he was too busy with Runs With Bulls.

Trail Shenanigans

At the start of the trail, Monday Sticky Monday was seen paying off a few hashers so that they wouldn’t catch the hares. Come on! What’s wrong with getting de-pantsed??!! Apparently, one co-hare, Blowup Dalai Nada, was nowhere to be found. And the other, Obeastiologist, peed in his own pants in anticipation of laying trail. After doing that, his pants needed to be removed! Of course, we have heard that he wants to be EWH3’s hare razor next year. Hmmm....aren't we a trifle scared at that prospect?

WOWO reached the pinnacle (or is it rock bottom?) of his public speaking duties by climbing atop a dumpster to address the masses. For RDR 2006, there were three trails to choose from – one runner’s trail and two walker’s trails. One walker’s trail was slightly unofficial, though.

Pullz It Out led a bar crawl for those that wanted to stay within 3 blocks of the start. While we admire these wankers for not wanting to go so long without the beverage of choice, we have to wonder why they would go to a gay bar in red dresses to pay for beer when they could have been enjoying free beer at the beer check.

Of course, some of it may be excused by physical limitations. Iron Maiden only made it a half a block from the start before she started to complain that her stilettos were hurting her feet. Now, we are all hashers and we all know that trail will be longer than half a block. Could she not have been slightly more prepared for trail?

Golden Showers did a good job of warding off the gay guys on the bar crawl by growling at them and sticking his devilish pitchfork in their faces. We're pretty sure that wasn’t the stick that they were expecting to be stuck in their faces. Oh well…sorry guys!

Meanwhile, on the official runners’ trail, Beaver Whack was seen smoking a cigar throughout the entire trail. If she’s going to be sucking on something that big, and she calls herself a hasher, shouldn’t it be someone’s cock?

Also seen on the runners’ trail was RoadKill and Haystack picking up about 20 high school girls out in front of the White House. Need we remind you that Bill Clinton is no longer in the White House and hitting on young girls out front is probably frowned upon by the current administration?

After the beer check, Bloody A$$hole was seen hopping in a cab. As he is usually an FRB, people were understandably confused and began to wonder if he auto-hashed every trail to be an FRB. It turns out that he actually took the cab to Fuddruckers to get a burger and made the cabby wait while he got his grub. Didn’t he know that RDR Mismanagement had arranged for some tasty treats back at the bar?

Somewhere along the second half of the trail, Wookin Pa Nub was seen having sex on trail with Runs With Bulls. It seems that Nub got really drunk (SURPRISE!) and thought that RWB was a chick because he was wearing a dress. As usual, RWB went along with it because he is such an attention-wh*re.

Notable Costumes

Cum Dumpling apparently never made it home the night before as he needed to wear his lingerie to RDR. Either that or he was too cheap to buy two outfits (Our vote: Too cheap! He is the money collector for EWH3, after all!).

Number 2 drove up looking like Fred Flinstone in drag. And since he drives a Mazda Miata, one could actually imagine him powering his car with his feet. Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

Just outside the bar, (Can’t Find) Pussy in a Haystack was found talking to a couple of older folks. Turns out that they were his parents - if you’re going to bring your parents to RDR, they should at least be like Double Header’s parents and have enough courtesy to wear red dresses….so learn them some manners, next time!

Also outside the bar was Not So Silent Bob. He forgot it was RDR and thought it was Halloween. But we forgive him because he was serving some good sh*t from his boobs (no! not his man boobs!). I swear…if girls had boobs that could give off booze like that pair, girls would never have a reason to leave the house. Who wants to go to a bar, flirt with an ugly guy for a couple of free drinks if booze could flow from your own tits like that?

Speaking of boobies, Can’t F*ck Dust was attempting to compete with Chest Nuts, Designer Bush, and Shamrock Your Cock for the biggest tits in the hash. Better luck next time, buddy - I think the girls still have it.

Lube Me Up Scotty, lived up to her outfit and stole a puppy a la Cruella De Ville. There has to be a renaming in there somewhere.

There were certainly some other characters to be found at RDR. White Kane and Bow-Chick-a-Bow-Bow looked like the Moroccan Blues Brothers. We didn’t even know that was possible.

And let’s not forget the Geishas! Burning Bush, 3 Ring Cervix and Kiliman Jackoff put on a great performance, but they were such teases. We didn’t hear of a single person getting a blowjob from any of them. Unacceptable hash behavior!

Put it Out showed his girly side that day. He was so afraid that it might rain, he brought a little parasol with him. The only problem was that it wasn’t big enough to keep even his tiny, little dick dry.

Speaking of girly sides, Jackoff Lantern was overheard saying “I spent a lot of time in the bathroom this morning removing body hair.” It worked, he was almost unrecognizable. I think he looked better than most of the girls.

Finally, Señor Doucheberg cannot be overlooked in the girly department. I have never seen someone look so cute wearing shiny red “Princess” pajamas.

Anal Fission showed up wearing a “dress” made out of bondage tape. We all know that he’s into that kind of thing, but did anyone else find it disturbing that he had enough red bondage tape to actually make a dress?

Runway Snatch needs a special mention for impersonating a church lady. We wouldn’t take exception to this occurrence, except that we all know that she has never stepped foot inside a church (she might burst into flames on the spot).

Getting Started

The day dawned crisp and overcast, but that didn’t stop many hashers from donning scantily clad attire regardless of the damp weather.

Moist Sushi was a notable stand-out in her scintillating garment.

On the other hand, some hashers felt it necessary to bundle up - Who were the mystery hashers behind the Middle Eastern burkas?

Hashers stumbled into HR57 mostly hung over from the previous evening’s lingerie run (educational note: HR57 is a non-profit jazz club devoted to promoting the history of jazz). Okay, enough of the serious stuff! Onto the dirt!

RDR Mismanagement did a phenomenal job (as always!) with their team of volunteers to get the 425 half minds signed in, photographed, and most importantly, to initiate the day-long drinkfest.

Although, we are intrigued by the fact that the giveaway (the Survivor-like head scarf thingie) needed directions. If it were a battery operated device (use your imagination), we could understand…but it was a piece of fabric. What the heck are we supposed to do with that? We have enough trouble reading the directions in order to stop a VCR from blinking 12 o’clock, let alone the patience to twist this getup into a hairnet.